The Wasteland's Most Confusing Vending Machine: A Guide to Appeaasing Protectron Ticket Inspectors (and Maybe Getting a Ride?)
Ah, the Protectron. A rusty monument to a bygone era, patrolling the desolate remains of the Commonwealth with all the enthusiasm of a wet sock. But some Protectrons, in their infinite robotic wisdom, have decided they're not just security guards – they're also the world's most unhelpful subway conductors.
These fine fellows, programmed with the misplaced zeal of a parking warden on a power trip, will demand a precious subway token before allowing you passage. But here's the real kicker: giving them said token is a gamble riskier than trusting a raider with your bottlecaps.
So, you've found yourself face-to-face with a token-hungry Protectron. What are your options?
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Option 1: The Token Tango (with a Side of Hostility). This is the most straightforward approach. Approach the Protectron, trembling slightly (it's a natural reaction), and hand over your hard-earned token. Now, here comes the fun part: pray the Protectron doesn't malfunction and decide you're a token-forging fiend. If you're lucky, it'll mutter a robotic "thank you" and let you pass. If not, well, let's just say your next stop might be the glowing crater formerly known as your character.
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Option 2: The Speech is Mighty (Unless You Have a Charisma of 1). For those who fancy themselves smooth talkers, there's always the option of trying to reason with the Protectron. Maybe tell it a sob story about your poor vault dweller upbringing and how desperately you need a ride. Just be warned, a successful persuasion attempt requires a Charisma stat higher than a Mirelurk Queen's ego.
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Option 3: The Hacker Whisperer (For the Technically Adept). This option requires a bit more finesse. If you can find a nearby terminal connected to the Protectron, you might be able to hack it and change its personality to something less, well, homicidal. Be careful, though. Messing with robot code can be trickier than defusing a mini nuke with a rusty spoon.
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Option 4: The Art of the Sneak (Perfect for the Cowardly). Let's face it, sometimes the best defense is a good offense... by offense, I mean a well-timed sprint in the opposite direction. Sure, you might miss your chance at a smooth subway ride, but hey, at least you'll avoid getting blasted by a rusty laser rifle.
But wait, there's more! Here are some pro tips from your friendly neighborhood wasteland wanderer:
- Don't pickpocket the token back. The Protectron has a memory like a deathclaw (and about as forgiving).
- Carry extra tokens. You never know when a disgruntled robot conductor might decide to become a toll collector.
- Invest in some charisma boosting gear. Maybe a snazzy fedora or a pre-war politician's holotape. Who knows, it might just charm the pants off... well, the metallic plating off a Protectron.
Remember, wastelanders, approaching a Protectron with a subway token is like playing the lottery – the odds are never in your favor. But hey, if you manage to appease the robotic tollbooth and score a free ride, consider it a victory sweeter than finding a Nuka-Cola Quantum in a raider's stash. Just don't forget to bring some caps for the next conductor – you wouldn't want to be THAT guy holding up the post-apocalyptic subway, would you?