Bridge Over Troubled Waters (and Cars)
So, you wanna know how many people kicked the bucket when that bridge in Baltimore decided to do a swan dive into the river? Well, buckle up, buttercup, because this story is as dramatic as a soap opera, but with less crying and more heavy machinery.
A Bridge Too Far
Let's rewind a bit. It was a dark and stormy night (okay, it was actually a perfectly normal morning), and this big ol' cargo ship decided it wanted to play bumper cars with a bridge. And not just any bridge, mind you, but the Francis Scott Key Bridge, which is basically Baltimore's VIP bridge.
Long story short, the ship gave the bridge a solid whack, and the bridge was all, "Whoa, Nelly!" and promptly collapsed into the drink. And guess who was hanging out on the bridge at the time? Yep, you guessed it: construction workers. Talk about bad timing!
Six Feet Under the Bridge
Now, you're probably wondering, "Okay, funny guy, but how many people actually bit the dust?" Well, as of now, the official death toll is six. That's right, six brave souls lost their lives in this aquatic adventure. And let's be honest, that's six too many.
But here's the kicker: the search for the missing is still ongoing. The river is a moody mistress, and it's been playing hard to get with the rescue teams. So, while we have a pretty good idea of the final tally, we can't say for sure until every last body is accounted for.
The Aftermath
This whole ordeal has been a total shitshow. There's the obvious tragedy of the lost lives, but let's not forget about the poor folks who rely on that bridge for their daily commute. Can you imagine the traffic? It's like rush hour in Los Angeles, but with more angry crabs.
And let's not forget about the poor economy. Baltimore's port is a big deal, and a collapsed bridge is like a giant, watery speed bump for shipping. It's a mess, people. A total mess.
How to Cope with Bridge-Related Anxiety
Okay, so maybe you're not personally affected by the bridge collapse, but you're still feeling a bit shaken up. Here are some tips to help you cope:
- How to avoid becoming a bridge collapse expert: Stop watching the news. Seriously, it's not good for your mental health.
- How to deal with bridge anxiety: Take deep breaths and remember that most bridges are perfectly safe. Unless they're in Baltimore, apparently.
- How to support the victims and their families: Donate to a local charity or simply send good vibes their way.
- How to become a bridge inspector: Just kidding, don't do that. It's a stressful job.
- How to build a bridge out of cheese: Because why not?
Remember, it's important to laugh, even in the darkest of times. Unless you're, you know, one of the people who fell off the bridge. Then it's probably best to save the laughter for later.