Alright, buckle up buttercups, because we're about to dive into the thrilling, occasionally terrifying, and always slightly delayed world of Chicago's train speeds! Forget your sports cars and rocket ships, we're talking about the "L," the elevated, the underground, the sometimes-above-ground-but-mostly-just-trying-to-get-you-to-work-on-time wonder that is the Chicago Transit Authority (CTA).
The Great Chicago Train Speed Mystery: It's Not a Race (But It Feels Like One)
Let's be honest, asking "how fast do Chicago trains go?" is like asking "how long is a piece of string?" It depends! Are we talking about the Red Line during rush hour, where you're packed in tighter than a sardine in a tiny metal can? Or are we talking about the Orange Line out towards Midway on a sunny Sunday afternoon, when the train driver is clearly enjoying a leisurely scenic tour?
- The Official (and Slightly Boring) Answer:
- The CTA states that the "L" trains can reach speeds of up to 55 miles per hour (88.5 kilometers per hour). Yes, that's the official line. But, like a politician's promise, it's often more of an aspiration than a reality.
- The Unofficial (and Hilariously Accurate) Answer:
- It goes as fast as it needs to, which is usually somewhere between "snail's pace" and "hold on to your hat, we're about to warp speed through a tunnel." Factors like track conditions, weather, the number of stops, and whether or not a rogue squirrel has decided to have a picnic on the third rail all play a role.
Line by Line, a Speed Odyssey
Now, let's break down the speed situation line by line, with a healthy dose of sarcasm:
- The Red Line: The Rush Hour Rollercoaster (Slowly)
- During peak hours, you'll be lucky if you hit 20 mph. It's more of a "shuffle and sway" experience. But, when it is late at night, and the tracks are clear, they can really move.
- The Blue Line: The Airport Express (Sometimes)
- The Blue Line to O'Hare can get pretty zippy, especially in the outer sections. However, construction, delays, and the occasional "signal problem" can turn it into a slow crawl.
- The Brown Line: The Scenic Route (and Slow)
- The Brown Line is known for its beautiful views of the neighborhoods. It's also known for its frequent stops and relatively slow speeds. Think of it as a leisurely sightseeing tour, with occasional stops to admire the pigeons.
- The Green Line: The Historical (and Historicly Slow) Line
- <u>This line has some of the oldest tracks, so while it can get up to speed, it often is slower than other lines.</u>
- The Orange Line: The Midway Miracle (When It's Running Smoothly)
- <u>This line can move pretty fast, especially in the outer areas.</u>
- The Purple Line: The Evanston Express (Sometimes)
- <u>Express runs can be pretty fast, but local runs, well, they are local.</u>
- The Pink Line: The Loop Link (and Loop Crawl)
- <u>This line is often affected by loop traffic, so speed varries.</u>
- The Yellow Line: The Swift Shuttle (When it is running)
- <u>This line is short, and can move quickly.</u>
The Real Speed: The Speed of Frustration
Ultimately, the real speed of the Chicago "L" isn't measured in miles per hour. It's measured in the speed of frustration, the speed of your patience wearing thin, and the speed at which you decide to just give up and take an Uber.
Frequently Asked Questions (Because We Know You're Wondering)
- How to avoid rush hour delays?
- Simple: don't travel during rush hour. Or, if you must, bring a good book, a fully charged phone, and a lot of patience.
- How to know if my train is delayed?
- Check the CTA's website or app, or simply look at the faces of your fellow passengers. The collective sigh of despair is a pretty good indicator.
- How to make the train ride more enjoyable?
- Noise-canceling headphones, a good podcast, and a healthy dose of "zen" are your best friends. And avoid eye contact with anyone eating a particularly pungent sandwich.
- How to get a seat on a crowded train?
- Develop ninja-like reflexes and be prepared to engage in a subtle but fierce battle for seating supremacy. Or, just wait for the next train.
- How to complain about train delays?
- You can contact the CTA via their website or social media. But, honestly, they've probably heard it all before. Just join the chorus of frustrated commuters.