Alright, folks, buckle up, because we're about to dive deep into the murky, delicious, and slightly chaotic world of Chicago personalities. Forget your zodiac signs, your Hogwarts houses, and your spirit animals. We're getting down to brass tacks: What Chicago character are YOU?
The Deep Dish of Your Soul: Are You a Classic or a Weirdo?
Let's face it, Chicago isn't just a city; it's a living, breathing, pizza-inhaling, wind-cursing entity. And just like any good entity, it's got a cast of characters that could fill a sitcom (or, let's be honest, a gritty drama).
The Bean Enthusiast (aka, The Tourist Magnet):
Are you perpetually pointing at shiny things and asking, "Is that really made of liquid metal?" Do you have a meticulously curated Instagram feed featuring only photos of yourself reflected in Cloud Gate? If so, congratulations! You're a Bean Enthusiast! You probably carry a map, wear comfortable shoes, and have a deep, abiding love for overpriced hot dogs. You're the heart of the city's tourism, bless your cotton socks.
The Perpetual Construction Survivor (aka, The Grumbling Commuter):
Do you instinctively know which El stop is closed for "essential track work" before the CTA even announces it? Do you have a collection of orange cones that you've "borrowed" from construction sites? Do you communicate primarily through sighs and eye rolls? Then you, my friend, are a Perpetual Construction Survivor. You've seen it all, from random sidewalk detours to that one time they tried to move the entire river. You're the unsung hero of navigating Chicago's ever-evolving infrastructure.
The "It's Not That Cold" Denier (aka, The Polar Bear Club Member):
Do you wear shorts in January? Do you laugh at the concept of a "wind chill warning"? Do you consider lake swimming in November a "refreshing dip"? You're definitely a "It's Not That Cold" Denier. You're the kind of person who makes everyone else feel like a wimp, but secretly, you're just really, really good at layering. Or maybe you're a penguin. Either way, respect.
Pizza Preferences and Personality Traits: A Deep Dive (Pun Intended)
Deep Dish Devotee (aka, The Patient One):
Do you plan your meals hours in advance? Do you consider a two-inch layer of cheese a "light snack"? Do you have the patience of a saint when waiting for a deep dish to bake? You're a Deep Dish Devotee. You understand that good things come to those who wait, and that good things are usually covered in marinara sauce.
Thin Crust Thrasher (aka, The Efficient Eater):
Do you prefer your pizza crispy and foldable? Do you consider a deep dish a "culinary commitment"? Do you have a knack for eating a whole pizza in under five minutes? You're a Thin Crust Thrasher. You're fast, efficient, and you know what you want. And what you want is pizza, pronto.
The Malört Martyr (aka, The Daredevil):
Do you willingly drink Malört? Do you consider it a "rite of passage"? Do you have a collection of Malört-themed memes? You, my friend, are a Malört Martyr. You're either a true Chicagoan or someone who made a terrible bet. Either way, you've earned bragging rights (and possibly a stomach ache).
The Lakefront Lurker (aka, The Peace Seeker)
Are you often found staring out at Lake Michigan, contemplating the meaning of life? Do you consider the lakefront trail your personal sanctuary? Do you have a deep appreciation for the sound of waves crashing against the shore? You're a Lakefront Lurker. You're the calm in the city's chaos, the zen master of the urban jungle.
<u>Important Note:</u> If you answered "yes" to all of these, you might just be a regular Chicagoan. We're a diverse bunch, and that's what makes us awesome.
Frequently Asked "How To" Questions (with Quick Answers):
How to survive a Chicago winter?
- Layer up, embrace the indoors, and invest in a good pair of boots.
How to order a Chicago-style hot dog?
- "Everything on it," and absolutely no ketchup.
How to pronounce "Chicago" correctly?
- "Shi-CAW-go," not "Shi-CAH-go." The emphasis is key.
How to find the best deep dish pizza?
- Ask a local, be prepared to wait, and bring your appetite.
How to navigate the CTA during rush hour?
- Patience, headphones, and a healthy dose of "personal space bubble."